The Audio Learning System
Take The Bully by the Horns
The Take The Bully by the Horns Audio Learning System is a ground-breaking step-by-step program that teaches you to neutralize domineering behavior and adopt assertive behaviors that change the way people treat you. These changes can heal your heartache and prevent unfair/unkind/cruel people from taking advantage of you. You’ll take charge of your relationships instead of feeling frustrated and powerless.
In fact, Dr. Susan Forward (author of Toxic Parents and Toxic In-Laws) said, “Take the Bully by the Horns is loaded with excellent strategies and communication skills to help anyone who is tired of being controlled and emotionally blackmailed by fear, intimidation, or guilt.”
One thing I’ve discovered is that most people being bullied don’t deserve it. You didn’t start this battle and you don’t want it. You’re not doing anything to provoke the bully. In fact, you’re probably doing everything you can to lay low and avoid this person.
Believe it or not, avoiding bullies makes matters worse because it makes them feel more powerful. As crazy as it sounds, the more you retreat, the more the bully will attack. Your avoidance is interpreted as weakness – which actually encourages aggression.
Now for some good news — the Take the Bully by the Horns Learning System teaches you real-life skills that DO work. It doesn’t suggest that you “let bullies vent to get it out of their system,” or that you “be kind to bullies because they’re going through a hard time” or that you “forgive bullies because they grew up in a dysfunctional family and don’t know any better.” I call those well-intended recommendations BADVICE because they DON’T WORK! In fact, they backfire and make things worse.
My Take the Bully by the Horns Audio Learning System dares to tell the truth. The nicer you are to a bully, the meaner he or she will be to you. It’s not fair, but it’s true. With this program, you’ll learn why bullies pick on nice people – why they actually seek out gentle souls who wouldn’t hurt a fly – and how to keep them from targeting you.
But before I get into the details, check here to make sure The Take the Bully by the Horns Audio Learning System is right for YOU.
Take the Bully by the Horns Audio Learning System is designed for you if you’re dealing with someone who:
- Has broken your trust time and again
- Ridicules you and pinpoints your faults until you feel you can’t do anything right
- Insists on controlling all the decisions and gets mad if you dare disagree
- Has a hair-trigger temper – you “talk on eggshells” so s/he doesn’t get upset
- Pressures you to give in to what he wants and go along with what he says
- Does something mean and then blames you, saying you “made” her do it
- Has to be right and has to have the last word (and hates to be challenged)
- Doesn’t listen – if you try to talk, she interrupts and talks right over you
- Keeps you off-balance and afraid – you don’t know what’s coming next
- Makes passive-aggressive remarks–you feel “slimed” and aren’t sure why
- Spreading cruel gossip or untrue rumors about you to ruin your reputation
- Tries to isolate you from friends and family so he can have you all to himself
- Threatens you – mentally or physically – so you back down out of fear
- Discourages you from doing things you’re good at or that you enjoy
If so, then The Take the Bully by the Horns Audio Learning System can be a BREAKTHROUGH for your confidence, self esteem, and sanity.
What is it?
- How to take responsibility for being treated with the respect you deserve
- How to stop dwelling on the painful past and how unfair/undeserved this is (this is the secret to no longer feeling hopeless or helpless which keeps you locked in unhealthy situations and abusive relationships)
- How to recognize the 10 danger signs of a bully so you can steer clear of them
- The one thing to never say to bullies – because it lets them know their tactics are working
- 5 weak “body behaviors” that turn you into a target (you might as well wear a sign that says “Come pick on me.”)
- What to say when someone accuses you of being overly emotional or “too sensitive” (and it’s not “I am NOT too sensitive!”)
- The secret to saying NO when someone’s pressuring you to say yes
- What to do if the bully is your boss – and you can’t afford to get fired
- How to stop bullying online – whether it’s obscenity-laced emails or IM gossip
- What to do if someone you care about is getting bullied – especially if they deny it and insist “Everything is fine. Really.”
- A quiz to determine if you’re a people-pleaser (bullies pick on nice people because they know they won’t “fight back”)
- What to do if someone’s ranting, raging, cursing, and calling you names (this is something a Honolulu police officer taught me and it works!)
- How to “give as good as you get” so teasers know they can’t get your goat
- What to do if you’re suffering from “wimp lash” – how to reverse a habit of going along to get along even when it means agreeing to things you don’t want to do
- Why turning the other cheek actually encourages bullies to verbally abuse you
- A 7 step process for holding rule-breakers accountable (this includes employees)
- 21 questions to help you Choose Your Battles so you know when to speak up and when to shut up (for your own good)
- Why being like your cat can keep bullies from bothering you
- The phrase that stops blamers and shamers from making everything your fault
- How to tell if a person has no conscience – and what to do if you’re dealing with a narcissist personality who has no remorse and thinks only of him/herself
- How to continue to believe the best of people and choose to trust (most of) them – instead of letting a traumatic experience with a bully cause you to become cynical, bitter, isolated, or depressed
- Why active listening and empathy backfires with bullies
And more …..You may be thinking, “Why didn’t they teach us this stuff in school? We learn math, science, and history, but we didn’t learn what to do if someone is bullying us.”You’re right; we should have been taught how to deal with mean or manipulative people while we were growing up. The good news is, it’s NOT too late to learn how to deal with people who are trying to take advantage of you. Joann would agree. Who’s Joann? Listen:
Sam,I can’t thank you enough for what Take the Bully by the Horns has done for my life! At first, I wasn’t sure much sank in…until I had another encounter with a bully in my life. I referred back to your program to help me get through those tough days. Only to find out WOW! I did just what you said and the bully took off. How wonderful is that. You’re an angel.Joann (last name withheld upon request)
I’ve heard many miraculous “before and after” stories of people who went from feeling helpless and hopeless to feeling they got their life back — because they finally learned what to do when someone was verbally abusing them. The bottom line is this: if you’re sick and tired of someone making your life miserable – whether that person is your boss, spouse, mother or father (or mother or father-in-law) neighbor, co-worker, VIP client, committee member, or your own child, if you’re willing to learn new ways to communicate with challenging people; and if you’re willing to apply what you learn, then Take the Bully by the Horns Audio Learning System can make a huge difference for you.
The Take the Bully by the Horns Audio Learning System is a system that includes:
- Step-by-step instruction for how to stand up and speak up for yourself when someone is trying to manipulate, intimidate, or control you
- inspiring examples of people who regained their self esteem, sanity and peace of mind because they stopped letting people “mess” with them
- specific communication tips on exactly what to do and say when dealing with the 5-10% of the population who don’t want a win-win – they want to win
- thought-provoking insights to help you understand why bullies target certain people – and how NOT to be one of those people!
- Dozens of “Why didn’t I think of that?!” responses so the next time a bully says something cruel or mean-spirited, you won’t be tongue-tied and tongue-twisted
What are People Saying?
As a school teacher said, “If you know one person in your life who tries to make you feel small – get Take the Bully by the Horns. I have been through so many courses about Parenting After Separation- both the General Course and the High Conflict course – that are all about getting along. Well, what if there is no way to get along with a person who wants to control your life but says that everything they do is ‘in the best interest of your child?’ Bull! I have been informed that unless this person hits me(!), his verbal and psychological abuse does not ‘count.’ If Sam Horn came to this city, I would stand in line to get tickets. I am a school teacher and never in my life did I think ‘bullies’ left the playground. Thank you for making it clear that I’m not the one who’s crazy.”
It doesn’t matter if the person trying to drive you crazy – or make you believe you’re crazy – is 60 years old or 16. It doesn’t matter if this person is a man or woman, your manager or your mother, big or small. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.
Bullies don’t have to have to be big brutes with bulging biceps. Bullies can be sweet little ole grannies who try to manipulate you with “poor me” martyr stories and guilt. Bullies can be 8-year old children who create chaos wherever they go. A hyper-critical father-in-law who takes every opportunity to make you look and feel stupid. A colleague who steals your ideas and then lies about it. A neighbor who makes you scared to step outside your house and afraid to go in your own back yard.
That’s why, in this program, I use both the words “he” and “she” when describing inappropriate behavior and what to do about it. I don’t believe bullying is a gender issue. You may be working for a female boss who is just as get-ahead-at-all-costs ruthless as her worst male counterpart. Size doesn’t matter when it comes to bullies. In fact, petite people sometimes have a “Napoleon complex” and compensate for their small stature with over-the-top behavior designed to dominate you and make you feel small so they can feel tall.
What’s awful about bullies – regardless of their age or size – is their ability to turn a perfectly good life, relationship, or job inside out and upside down. You may find yourself unable to sleep at night because you keep replaying in your mind what this person said or did to you that day. In many of my interviews, I’ve been saddened to see how innocent, intelligent, outgoing, otherwise successful people, have come unglued as a result of being targeted by a bully. They simply can’t comprehend that anyone would act this way. They’re totally unprepared for it and don’t have a clue what to do.
What’s worse, if you have reached out for help, you may have been given “badvice”. You may have worked up the courage to confide in someone, only to have that person diminish what you’re going through. You may have been told, “Every marriage has problems. You can’t expect things to be perfect.” You may have been dismissed with “That’s just the way he is. You’ve got to learn to live with it.” You may have been told “What are you doing to bring this into your life?” Someone may have suggested, “Don’t make such a big deal about this. You can’t let her know that she’s getting to you.” Easier said than done.
People in my seminars have told me they reported a co-worker’s behavior to their supervisor only to be brushed off with, “Are you sure you’re not exaggerating? She’s nice to me.” What these supervisors don’t realize is that bullies often kiss up to managers while bullying anyone and everyone who is lower in the pecking order.
I’ll always remember the program participant who tearfully confessed that when she told her parents her husband was verbally abusing her, they said stoically, “You took vows. It’s your responsibility to keep your marriage together and make it work.”
Please note: Although this program does offer real-life recommendations for how to deal with verbal/emotional abuse – know that verbal/emotional abuse is legally considered a form of domestic violence in some states, (especially when combined with other forms of behavior such as economic control) and has legal ramifications if it’s happening in the workplace. It’s important to document this person’s behavior by writing down or recording what’s said or done so you have tangible evidence to support your claims in accordance with the laws in your state.
If you, your loved ones, or co-workers feel at physical risk from this person, please immediately contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800 799-7233 (SAFE) or the HR department, Owner, or Executive Director of your organization. Please understand that most abuse escalates. Hoping it will stop or “go away” on its own is not realistic. Take measures to ensure the safety of yourself, your loved ones, and your colleagues.
Have you reached out in an effort to get help only to be rebuffed? Have you been shouldering all the emotional pain, stress, and helplessness on your own?
If you’re ready to take back control of your life, I can show you how. I’ll walk you through every step of the process. I know these ideas can help you regain your self esteem and a better quality of life. How can I be sure? Because I’ve helped hundreds of men and women who used to be miserable do just that. Here’s just one of those stories:
I was at a book-signing in San Francisco and a mother, father, and 12 year old girl arrived early with a dog-eared, much-underlined copy of Take the Bully by the Horns in their hands. The father said,
I wanted to let you know your book has had a profound impact on my daughter. She’s a great kid but she was being targeted by the “queen bee” at her junior high. She was spreading vicious rumors about our daughter on the internet and around school. In the beginning, we told our daughter to ignore the girl and “take the high road” but things just got worse. Then we read your book together as a family. What a difference! Since our daughter learned exactly what to say and do, the “queen bee” who used to have her in tears every night leaves alone. Our daughter is back to being herself again and looks forward to going to school instead of dreading it. Thank you!
There are many more testimonials like this from people who went from feeling overwhelmed to feeling empowered; including one Amazon.com reviewer who said,
“Take the Bully by the Horns is great for those who have learned how to handle bullies through trial and error because it gives tips you wouldn’t think of and boosts your confidence.”
This program is NOT appropriate in cases of physical abuse. If you are dealing with someone who is physically harming you or a loved one, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).